I'm feeling nervous.
Gregg's aunt passed away, and we're heading out of town to pay our respects. But, we're leaving the kids at home with my mother and father.
I completely trust my mother. She knows how to test Jack's blood and count his carbs. She knows how to inject insulin. She knows the signs and dangers of high and low blood sugar. She knows Jack's coloring, personality and behavior patterns so well that she can often detect a low or high, before he says anything. She knows how to treat a blood sugar level of 70 versus how to treat a 35. She knows when and how to use Glucagon. And, unfortunately, with my father's frequent health issues, she's knows all too well how to dial 9-1-1. Besides, like the good grandma that she is, she loves Jack dearly. Plus, she remains level-headed in crisis situations, and her judgment is always right on.
If there's anyone with whom I'd leave Jack, it's my mom.
But we're driving to a city two hours away, and though we've left the kids with my parents and with babysitters for several hours at a time before, we've never gone out of town and left them. Not just since Jack's diagnosis. Not ever.
Now, I'm not passing judgment here. Parents need to do what works best for their individual family. Some parents can go to Europe without their kids for two weeks. I can't. I couldn't do it before Jack's diagnosis either. I especially can't do it now.
Leaving town without my kids is out of my comfort zone, especially with diabetes in our lives.
Of course, there are times when my children drive me so crazy that I wish I could run away, and that running to a remote village in the depths of Africa wouldn't be far enough. But in reality, I could never run that far from them.
Heck, I'm nervous about traveling two hours away for a day trip! We'll probably leave around 9 a.m. and return around 6 p.m. It's not as if we'll be out of communication or even in another state.
Still, it makes me nervous...not so nervous that it'll stop me from doing what I need to do and going where I need to go. Not so nervous that I'm having anxiety attacks. Not so nervous that I can't sleep. But nervous enough that it's on my mind, and here I am blogging about it.
I don't expect any issues to arise tomorrow. But what if they do? My mom will handle them, and we'll drive home earlier than planned, right? Sounds like no big deal, I know. I need to keep telling myself that.
It's just that diabetes is unpredictable. The only thing predictable about it is its unpredictabictability. I know that something could go down at any moment, and if that moment occurs tomorrow, I won't be around to be there for Jack.
So I will hope and I will pray and I will cross my fingers and my toes. I will give extra kisses and hugs before I jump in the car. I will call from the road to check in and say "I love you." I will think positively and not let fears get the best of me. I will trust my mother and I will try to make the best of the day. (Well, I'll try to make the best of what is bound to be a sad day).
And I will go say good bye to a very dear family member.