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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A Momentary Scare

Before I tell you about my scare, I need to ask have y'all gone and visited the marvelous Meri over at Our Diabetic Life lately?

If not, go now! Click here 'cause Meri's got the goods, and she's giving 'em away!

Yes, I know I mentioned her contest at the end of my last post, but I wanted to drive the point home. Afterall, I don't want you blaming me for missing out on another awesome contest! :-)

Okay, now onto my story...

So this morning, Jack scared the heck out of me. It was only a momentary scare, but a scare nonetheless.

You see, day in and day out, Jack wakes up before the crack of dawn. Max is an early bird, too. Together, they have a morning routine. Once they're both up, they go let our puppy out of the crate where he spends the night and take him outside, so he can do his morning puppy business. Then the boys spend the next hour or two playing Wii, watching TV and/or making a mess in the playroom, until the rest of us wake up. (Yes, they awake *that* early; that often meaning 4 a.m.)

This morning, when I woke up, I noticed the puppy was still in his crate. I thought, "Strange, but okay. Whatever. The boys forgot. No biggie."

But, it was red flag number one and prompted me to wonder "Where's Jack? Is Jack okay?"

As I made my way across the house, from my bedroom to the kitchen, I could hear Max. I didn't hear Jack, only Max. Then, Max came running from the playroom and greeted me. (His gives the best "good morning" hugs and kisses. I love my smoochy Max.)

Jack didn't follow. That was red flag number two, and again, I wondered, "Where's Jack? Is Jack okay?"

I would have asked Max about his brother, but Max dashed off to resume whatever he was doing before. And I didn't want to yell for Jack and risk waking Madeline. I knew for sure Madeline was asleep. Unlike her brothers, she frequently needs us to wake her in the morning. I didn't want to overreact either.

But then, after Max left me, the house seemed eerily quiet, and there were still no signs of Jack.

At this point, fear struck. My mind went to where it shouldn't have gone. It drifted to that place feared by many parents of children with diabetes.

I suddenly found myself praying, "Please G-d, let Jack be okay. Please let him be awake or simply sleeping."

I can't bear the thought of losing Jack...or my other two kids. But, with Jack, there's a fear that he won't wake up in the morning, because a low will have claimed his life overnight, while the rest of us were sleeping.

Dead in bed syndrome it's happened to other children with diabetes, and G-d forbid, I know it could happen to Jack.

We are diligent in our diabetes management, and we check him at night. (Let me clarify: Gregg checks him at night. Thank you, honey!) But diabetes is unpredictable and you just never know. And so it was, that my mind wandered into that dark place filled with fear.

"Jack?" I called out, hoping for an answer and no longer caring whether I woke Madeline.

"In here, mom," he replied, calling out from the playroom.

Relief washed over me. "Thank you, G-d," I offered in a whisper.

I walked into the playroom, where I found Jack curled up, quietly reading his new favorite book, Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

"Oh, here you are!" I said in the perkiest voice I could muster, as if I didn't just experience a moment of pure panic. "Good morning! Let's go have breakfast. What would you like to eat?"

From there, our morning proceeded as usual. My fear vanished just as quickly as it had appeared. As I said, it was only a momentary scare, but a scare nonetheless.


connie said...

For a moment I was holding my breath just waiting...thank goodness he was fine! I totally understand that fear, if my girls sleep in I always go that fear and the what-ifs, holding my breath until I get to their rooms and see that both of them are warm and still breathing.

It is the ugly side of D and the one that keeps me up MANY, MANY nights!

Meri said...

I have those moments all too often. I know the horrifying silence...pushing the thoughts away. Glad all was well! And bring on the winners for the giveaway! Good luck!

Penny said...

Oh so glad he was just reading! I had a moment like that last week when G slept late on a Saturday. I wished her tummy to rise and fall as I peeked in her room. It did and I felt the weight life from my chest.

thisiscaleb said...

I feel like those moments take a day or two off the end of my life. Glad all was okay.

Jen said...

This is why I have grey hairs! ERR..these moments just stink. I don't think anyone can understand except those who live it every day. Glad he was ok!

Misty said...

I had chills, holding my breath as I was reading this. HATE those nasty moments! So happy that he was just immersed in his book. (Which by the way, is Ally's new favorite too. Found hers in her bed this morning...hmmm thought she went to bed on time!)

Laura said...

I was holding my breath too! Ugh! I hate D and those scares!!

Wendy said...

My heart just wants to reach out and hug yours....and then share a smile of relief.

Lynne-Anne said...

I know just how you felt! Every day I walk into Brigitte's room to wake her, and feel a surge of relief when I see her breathing. She is a VERY sound sleeper so sometimes it takes a few minutes to rouse her. These days are some of the scarier moments for me.