My eyes burn. My head pounds. I lack energy. I can't stop yawning.
Sleep deprivation has set in.
It's no wonder why.
At 2 a.m., I heard Jack's Dexcom CGM low alert with its "beep - beep - beep."
I dragged myself out of bed. I trudged across the house. I grabbed Jack's testing supplies on the way to Max's bedroom, where the boys were having a sleepover. I tested Jack and saw the 69 pop up on his glucometer. I returned to the kitchen, opened the D supply cabinet, took out a gummy worm and then trekked back to Jack. I put my hand under his back, jostled him slightly, elevated his upper body to a slanted upright position, where I held him. I whispered, "Here, honey, eat this. You're low." I fed him the gummy worm and watched him chew and swallow, wanting to make sure he actually ate all of the candy. Again, I whispered, "All done?" He responded, "All done." He rolled over and I went back to bed.
Yet, I was wide awake.
I fixed the covers. I stared at the ceiling. I used my cell phone to check my email.
I got out of bed and walked back to the boys' room. I tested Jack again to make sure his blood sugar had risen to a safer level. I watched my boys sleep, before going to check in on Madeline. I pulled her blanket up and listened to her snore faintly. I went into the family room and looked outside for a few moments. Then, again, I went back to bed.
I turned on the TV. I caught the tail end of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on The Food Network. Guy Fieri was at Cecilia's Cafe in Albuquerque. The food looked so good that I picked up my cell phone and sent myself an email: "When in Alb, go to Cecilia's."
I still couldn't sleep, so I watched a full episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County.
Finally, I drifted off sometime between 3:30 and 4 a.m.
I woke up this morning feeling tired, and I've been tired all day.
Last night was not unusual. Jack's Dexcom alerts and wakes me frequently. And I never fall back to sleep with ease. Once I'm up, I'm up.
So I have a love-hate relationship with Dex.
I'm grateful for the middle-of-the-night alerts. Dex catches highs and lows that I would have slept through otherwise. I'm thankful for this technology. I love it. I really do. I think it's improved our level of D management. Jack is better off for it. It brings me peace of mind. It's truly awesome. I would much rather hear those beeps than not. I want to be the best mama pancreas I can be. I appreciate that I'm able to treat those highs and lows, before they become too high or too low.
But, damn, it sucks to be woken up! Good bye, sweet dreams! Good bye, energy! Hello, under-eye circles! Hello, exhaustion! I hate those frickin' beeps.