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Sunday, March 27, 2011


My eyes burn. My head pounds. I lack energy. I can't stop yawning.

Sleep deprivation has set in.

It's no wonder why.

At 2 a.m., I heard Jack's Dexcom CGM low alert with its "beep - beep - beep."

I dragged myself out of bed. I trudged across the house. I grabbed Jack's testing supplies on the way to Max's bedroom, where the boys were having a sleepover. I tested Jack and saw the 69 pop up on his glucometer. I returned to the kitchen, opened the D supply cabinet, took out a gummy worm and then trekked back to Jack. I put my hand under his back, jostled him slightly, elevated his upper body to a slanted upright position, where I held him. I whispered, "Here, honey, eat this. You're low." I fed him the gummy worm and watched him chew and swallow, wanting to make sure he actually ate all of the candy. Again, I whispered, "All done?" He responded, "All done." He rolled over and I went back to bed.

Yet, I was wide awake.

I fixed the covers. I stared at the ceiling. I used my cell phone to check my email.

I got out of bed and walked back to the boys' room. I tested Jack again to make sure his blood sugar had risen to a safer level. I watched my boys sleep, before going to check in on Madeline. I pulled her blanket up and listened to her snore faintly. I went into the family room and looked outside for a few moments. Then, again, I went back to bed.

I turned on the TV. I caught the tail end of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on The Food Network. Guy Fieri was at Cecilia's Cafe in Albuquerque. The food looked so good that I picked up my cell phone and sent myself an email: "When in Alb, go to Cecilia's."

I still couldn't sleep, so I watched a full episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Finally, I drifted off sometime between 3:30 and 4 a.m.

I woke up this morning feeling tired, and I've been tired all day.

Last night was not unusual. Jack's Dexcom alerts and wakes me frequently. And I never fall back to sleep with ease. Once I'm up, I'm up.

So I have a love-hate relationship with Dex.

I'm grateful for the middle-of-the-night alerts. Dex catches highs and lows that I would have slept through otherwise. I'm thankful for this technology. I love it. I really do. I think it's improved our level of D management. Jack is better off for it. It brings me peace of mind. It's truly awesome. I would much rather hear those beeps than not. I want to be the best mama pancreas I can be. I appreciate that I'm able to treat those highs and lows, before they become too high or too low.

But, damn, it sucks to be woken up! Good bye, sweet dreams! Good bye, energy! Hello, under-eye circles! Hello, exhaustion! I hate those frickin' beeps.


Reyna said...

You are living MY LIFE...!!!! I hope tonight is your night to get a little "shut eye" friend!

Amy Lederer said...

Wishing for peaceful sleep, my friend. This post tugged at my heart. I feel that pain, we all do. And I'm the same, when I'm up treating a low or checking ketones for a high, it's over, I'm up.

We don't have Dex or cgm. But I'm always checking at 12a and 3a, even if he's good because I worry that he won't be. Going to ask about the cgm at the next endo visit in May.

Get some z's. You aren't alone (although I know someitmes, in the middle of the night it feels like it ~ YOU ARE NOT!). (((((hugs)))))

my sweet girl said...

You are not alone and it is so hard to always be on such little sleep.
When I tell other people that I am up at least twice a night every night they can't believe it. For all of us D moms it is just what we do.

Jen said...

Last night I was up from 3 am until whenever i woke up with dex vibrating every half hour or so. Dex was off so Addison's bg was actually fine the whole time! Ergh! I have been tired all day too! BIG HUGS! Love it when it is correct hate it when it is off and beeping/vibing like crazy!

Jules said...

ah yes, i do the same. i laughed at the bit about checking your email on your cell phone. i use my mobile internet to search every site i can think of, trying to wait for the next test.