How to Send a D Mama into Cardiac Arrest

Follow these six simple steps and you're bound to make your mama's heart pound.

Step 1:

Dress like your brother.

Step 2:

Make sure your mother is watching you and your brother. Then, go outside and start playing. When your mother has turned her back, have your brother, who has type 1 diabetes, go hide, while you lie down in the grass and wait. 

Step 3:

When your mother finally notices you and comes running out of the house, screaming “Jack! Jack!” stay very still.

Don’t wiggle. Don’t giggle. Don’t move or make a peep. 

Step 4:

If you have a dog, don't let him ruin the fun. Ignore him, even if he tickles you while sniffing around. You must remain silent and motionless. The idea is to make your mama think something really bad happened to your brother, because of his diabetes. Just stay still and you'll scare the heck out of her!

Step 5:

Have your brother run out from his hiding spot, feign innocence and ask,

“Were you calling me?”

Step 6:

Jump up. Yell, “We tricked you!”
Laugh. Run off and play.

 

The above directions are based on a true story. Two little rascals I know tried this trick. Afterward, their mother needed a stiff drink.*


(*Though she settled for a Diet Coke.)