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Sunday, June 12, 2011

I wish...

A few nights ago, I met three friends for dinner. Mom’s night out! 
My friend K was telling us about her new boyfriend, who is a paraplegic. Many years ago, in a mountain climbing accident, he fell 80 feet. He’s been in a wheelchair ever since, and he’s lucky to be alive. 
K sparkled as she talked about him. She’s smitten, and most of our dinner chatter focused on their relationship.
“He’s incredible the way he faces challenges and how he lives life to the fullest. I’ve never met anyone like him,” she gushed. “One day, though, he pointed to the stairs in my house and said, ‘I really wish I could just walk up those stairs.’”
That hit home for me.
“I get it,” I said. “Story of my life.”
All three of my friends looked at me as if I were crazy.
J sat there stunned and silent. R blurted, “Huh?” And K asked, “Story of your life?”
“I can relate. I know how he feels,” I said. “He wishes he could just walk up a flight of stairs. I wish I could just make dinner or feed Jack any meal or a snack without counting carbs. I wish I could just stop testing his blood sugar. I wish Jack could just eat without needing insulin.” 
They got my point, so I left it at that.
The truth is, however, I could have continued. I count my blessings and don’t dwell on the negative. I think that Gregg and I are both teaching and enabling Jack to live life to its fullest, too. But still, I have my moments when... 
I wish Jack could just leave the house without a survival kit. 
I wish I could just send Jack to school or camp without having to train his teachers and counselors how to manage diabetes...not to mention without a 504 plan.
I wish Jack could just enjoy an ICEE or an ice cream cone on a hot summer’s day without having to take his blood sugar level into consideration.
I wish Jack could just swim, skate, bike and play tennis and other sports without worrying about lows.
I wish Jack could have even just one day where his blood sugar level was stable.
I wish Jack could just eat pizza without having it wreak havoc on his blood sugars for hours. 
I wish I could just sleep uninterrupted without setting alarms, without checking on Jack throughout the night, and without worrying that he’ll go too low or too high. 
I wish I could just go on vacation without a suitcase full of diabetes supplies. 
I wish I could just get a babysitter...any babysitter...the high school kid who lives down the street...on a moment’s notice, so that Gregg and I could be spontaneous or could go out with friends who call with a last-minute invitation. 
I wish I could just drop off Jack with all of the other kids at birthday parties, Cub Scout meetings, play dates, tennis lessons and other events.
I wish I could just feel more at ease when Jack wakes up late in the morning or unexpectedly falls asleep during the day.
I wish we could just be free of doctors’ appointments and high medical expenses.
I wish I could just stop the damage diabetes does to Jack’s eyes, heart, kidneys and so on.
I wish the researchers could just find the cure already.
I wish people would just stop saying, “It could be worse.”
I wish the media could just get it right.
I wish others could just understand that type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease, not the result of being overweight or eating too much sugar.
I wish we could have a break from diabetes for even just one day.
I wish we, too, could just climb up those stairs.

25 comments:

Lora said...

I wish too Heidi!

shannon said...

*applause*

Un-Apologetic Diabetic said...

Amen. There are so many things about D that make me wish for the simplicity of the days when I didn't have it. Thanks for a very heartfelt post.

busymom said...

I wish too...For your wish. It's mine too.

Denise said...

I wish those things too!!

NikDuck said...

Tonight especially I am feeling all those wishes too...so much! This is beautiful and brings more tears to my already crying eyes. One day all these wishes will come true...if not on earth, they will in heaven.

Michelle said...

Wishing here too for all the same!

Wendy said...

This is a beautiful wish list.

But I'm so thankful to have found your friendship along the way.

sky0138 said...

i wish too for all of these things, Heidi. One day we will get our wish...I believe it with my whole heart and soul.

Amy Lederer said...

Screen's a little blurry for tears. Already a bit emotional this morning! Yeesh! But I will say BEAUTIFUL and I share your list. <3

Jen said...

I wish too Heidi!

The DL said...

We all wish! We all wish for so many things, but at least for now we should all be thankful for what we do have!

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

Ditto, a million times!
It's not an 'obvious' disease, which makes it all the more difficult for those not living it to understand.
But it's just as debilitating at times and makes us yearn for 'better' for those we love!

Shannon@ The New Normal Life said...

what a beautiful post and so true!! Hugs to you my friend

Sarah said...

me too, Heidi.
Then, I go back to the beginning of the post and hear how your friend is amazed with this man and I know I feel just as amazed in all our kiddos, in my husband and countless others with t1d. I know it sucks the big one, but then again - they are rockstars!
I hope your summer's off to an amazing start, I'm still hoping the rice trick works, someday!

Hallie said...

Fantastic post! Story of my life, too! As I type i have a SUITCASE full of D supplies... Its not an obvious disease- so that makes it invisible to others. It makes it harder for them to understand. This is a must share post!!

Meri said...

Well you made me cry. LOL! You should see me! I'm such a baby! I wish too, Dear Heidi. I SO wish too.

Kim said...

This is so perfect, and beautifully poignant.

Cheryl said...

<> Well said...we share that wish everyday.
Thank you :-)

Reyna said...

Me too...Me too. xo

Joanne said...

I wish too. A thousand times over. Well said, Heidi, you put it perfectly.

Misty said...

Oh Me too!!! I wish I wish I wish!

Blindsey said...

...I wish :o)

Diabetesmom2009 said...

Wow Heidi!! All of this was so well said. I as many others wish the same for our children as well. I don't think any of us can make a our point any clearer. But then again, there are those still going to be those people that still say "IT COULD BE WORSE" SO here is what I say now. "You're right it could be worse, I wonder if tonight is the night that I will check on Deven and he won't be with us anymore, you're right, it could be worse" Well, the look on their faces, you have to pick their mouths up off the floor. And when they say now, "Well at least it's not cancer" What I say now is, "You know your right" then I see that gleam in their eyes; but then I go on to say, "I think maybe I can handle knowing my son has a time limit on when he is going to die, instead of me just going in there and having no warning at all and him already be gone, yes..Thank God it isn't cancer" Again, pick up their jaw. I made a video, it's on youtube. Take a look at it. DEVEN'S DIABETES VIDEO. I am going to do another one,The first year,the struggles and the truth about living with Type 1 Diabetes. Again, great job, well done and very well said!

Tracy1918 said...

Me too. : (

Love this post. Hate this post. You know.....